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Sexiest Man Alive? Laurent Can Do Better

A modest suggestion

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Mélanie Laurent in June.(Julien M. Hekimian/Getty Images)

Word is that Bradley Cooper, the American actor, stepped out in Paris with Mélanie Laurent, the French actress who most famously played the Jewish owner of the movie theater in Quentin Tarantino’s Inglorious Basterds. The gossip-ready angle is that Cooper had been with Jennifer Lopez, but they split, and now she is hot and heavy with her 24-year-old back-up dancer (see all the things you can learn from Page Six?). Now that is how you rebound. And if Cooper can pull off the same thing with Laurent, more power to him.

Except, no. Cooper sounds like a cad. (“I don’t see myself as a ladies’ man,” he says, “but I love women.” Dude.) And Laurent is too good for this. She is not the equivalent of a 24-year-old back-up dancer. She is an extremely talented actress. She directs. She makes music. She was the official hostess of the last Cannes festival. She … looks like that. And did I mention she’s Jewish? (Ashkenazic and Sephardic!)

A suggestion for Laurent: the guy may be fluent in French, and he may be alright-looking or whatever, but why not ditch him for someone who’s not just trying to get back at the Bronx Bombshell? Someone who really appreciates you? What I mean to say is, once you start seeing an interested nice Jewish boy, you’ll never go back. If I meet any, I’ll introduce you.

And anyway, are you so sure you’re Cooper’s type?

Bradley Cooper Rebounds From Jennifer Lopez to Melanie Laurent? [Page Six]
Related: Bradley Cooper: Sexiest Man Alive 2011 [People]

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This is the kind of post, especially with the gay-baiting at the end, that if the identities were rearranged slightly you’d be scolding others about.

I was just gonna say! Marc, the gay joke is beneath you. I would be FINE with you saying Cooper is unsexy because he looks like a flounder (because he DOES, what with his eyes being practically on opposite sides of his head), or that while abs you could slice cheese on are pleasing to the feminine eye, they do not convey “rich and highly evolved inner life,” or that he seems like a hard-drinking man-ho, but the fact that he played a gay dude is MAJORLY to his credit (and makes him far more intriguing unto me, a genetic hetero lady person, because it tells me he is not homophobic and doesn’t take himself or his careeeeeeeeer too seriously). (Plus he was majorly funny on Nip/Tuck as a narcissist actor playing a doctor on a Grey’s Anatomy-like show who kept whipping off his shirt in the ER to heroically make tourniquets, heroically.) And OK, the French-speaking is nifty even if he looks like a flounder. But my point, AND I DO HAVE ONE, is that “playing gay” may make him MORE alluring to your chere Melanie, not less.

I don’t think Marc is engaged in anything like gay-baiting. It’s gentle humor that is in no way different from the now overused expression concerning which ‘team’ someone is playing for, used by gay and straight people alike.

Wow. Did you really mean to include that link to a very steamy video? OMG.

I’d agree. This is basically a more PC way of saying, “Why would Laurent go for him, he’s obviously a f–?”

How do you tell if a joke is homophobic? The easiest litmus test is if the punchline is “So-and-so’s GAY, har har har”. As if it’s laughable simply because he could be gay.

Gay identity is not a punchline, at least not one that’s this poorly executed.

Marc Tracy says:

I certainly did not intend to offend. The clip is from Wet Hot American Summer. More to the point, it’s from a movie, in which Bradley Cooper is playing a gay man. It’s relevant to the post if he’s gay because then Melanie would leave him, not because gay men are bad but because they do not make ideal romantic partners for straight women. Obviously this isn’t funny when you explain it, but that was the point. “Gay-baiting” most certainly was not.

and if playing gay makes him more attractive, then more power to him, and we really are all screwed.

Marc Tracy says:

oh and I didn’t actually mean to suggest that Cooper is gay. there is a clear public record that he’s straight. he’s just gay in this one movie.

J blaimont says:

What has this article to do with anything.?

Marc, Marc, Marc: You should get your information right–not from gossip rags. And if you ask the majority of straight men, they will say they love women, too. Leave Bradley Cooper alone, he’s a decent and educated person. Otherwise it sounds like you’re nothing but a jealous, petty man.

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Sexiest Man Alive? Laurent Can Do Better

A modest suggestion

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