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Kobe Cited as Potential Future Jew

You can bet on it (but don’t)

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Kobe Bryant after winning his fifth NBA Championship in June.(Christian Petersen/Getty Images)

Former Tablet Magazine intern (and Dallas native) Jordan Hirsch sends news that, in the wake of the Amar’e Stoudemire phenomenon, a bookmaking Website has fixed odds to the likelihoods of 10 NBA stars’ converting to Judaism.

Dallas Maverick Dirk Nowitzki is pegged at +550 (in other words, if you bet $100 on him, and the German power forward proceeded to take a dunk in the mikvah, you would get $550 and your money back). Of the 10 stars, the most likely are Kevin Durant (+350) and Kobe Bryant (+375), though particularly in Durant’s case I have no idea why; the least likely are Nowitzki, Chris Paul (+550), and Dwyane Wade (+600), which makes more sense—Nowitzki is German, Wade seems fully self-actualized, and Paul won’t do anything unless LeBron tells him to.

A few more notes:

• The total likelihood of one of these players’ converting to Judaism is 100 percent, which should tell you something: Don’t bet actual money on this.

• Amar’e Stoudemire, who technically isn’t Jewish, should clearly be the most likely, and, depending on the odds, the only one actually worth putting money on.

• Ron Artest, who technically is insane, would be the only other NBA player I would put money on here, under the theory that he is capable of absolutely anything.

• J.J. Redick is the NBA player least likely to convert, because (I reflexively assume) Dukies don’t like Jews.

• The (albeit just-retired) NBA player whom I would most like to join the Tribe? SHEEEEEEEED.

Website: Chance of Mavericks’ Dirk Novitzski Converting to Judaism Is 15% [Dallas Morning News]
Earlier: Amar’e Stoudemire’s Excellent Adventure

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Marc R says:

“Dukies don’t like Jews”

Now, I don’t like Duke (that’s a HUGE understatement), but you’re way off here Marc.

Two particular names come to mind, one old and one recent:

Art Heyman and Jon Scheyer

That said, I will admit that Coach K does look like Hitler without a mustache.

Shalom Freedman says:

Doesn’t ‘Tablet Magazine’ have anything meaningful to write about?
This speculation is both nonsensical and tasteless.

Eric F. says:

I reflexively assume “Dukies don’t like Jews”–what exactly does that mean?

With a dumb comment like that, I reflexively assume you’re not nearly as funny as you think you are.

Actually the comment is funny for how clueless it is–North Carolinians always have joked that Duke is filled with students from New Jersey, not exactly known as a state lacking in Jews.

Joshua says:

Duke c/o 2005 here. GFY.

Marc Tracy says:

See Joshua’s comment is actually legitimate. I fully respect the right of any Dukie (or anyone else, really) to tell me to GFM. But at least take the joke! Oh, and for future reference, I’m a Terps fan, if that helps.

When I was Jordan Hirsch’s Talmud teacher in Dallas, I had an idea (didn’t quite work out) of getting Dirk to speak at a Yom Ha-Sho’ah program to discuss growing up in postwar Germany and learning about the Holocaust.

I’m a Terps fan, too. I think that dookies are a bunch of DBs, yet acknowledge that, sadly, there are tribe members who are DBs.

MC Welk says:

Duke alum here, the alma mater does not lack for Jews, trust me.

Eric F. says:

Dude, I got the joke–Duke is evil, so it must hate Jews. It just isn’t that funny because it doesn’t really make any sense–since Duke actually had a star Jewish basketball player on their team and like 20 percent of the campus is Jewish. Just trying to actually say something interesting instead of just an ad hominem attack.

But if you’d prefer–GFY.

I take Joshua’s comment as good-natured, as in “take that”. As for Eric, Hillel’s site says Duke is only 10% Jewish.

There is some validity but I desire conclude support judgement until I look into it further. Admissible article , thanks and we want more! Added to FeedBurner also.

Dr.~ Love is life. And if you miss love you miss life.

I found a lipstick that helps you lose weight…..its called super glue! :)”

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Kobe Cited as Potential Future Jew

You can bet on it (but don’t)

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