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Poking Israel

What if Mark Zuckerberg went on Birthright?

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Mark Zuckerberg(Getty Images)

Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook and newly appointed Time Magazine’s person of the year, has never been on a Birthright trip — or to Israel at all, for all we know. At 26, he’s only eligible for another six months – here’s what we imagine would happen if he went.

Day 1: After five hours of being trapped on a bus with 39 screaming teenagers from Long Island, Mark is reminded of why he invented Facebook in the first place — to feign friendships with people he doesn’t like without having to actually see, hear, or smell them. The odor in the bus is like a shaken-up can of Axe exploded inside of a bear carcass.

Day 2: Mark brainstorms an app that will disequate dating an Asian girl with singlehandedly imperiling Jewish continuity.

Day 3: Mark drinks a Dixie cup of sweet tea in a Bedouin tent drumming circle. He wishes he clicked through a photo album instead – sometimes “actually being there” really is overrated.

Day 4: Mark contemplates the ways in which Facebook improved on the Book of Life. The message-delivery system at the Western Wall reassures Mark that God is no competition.

Day 5: Mark rides a camel. He has a sudden epiphany and develops a lasting spiritual connection to the tradition-filled, tumultuous history of the Jewish people. That, or his butt’s asleep.

Day 6: Mark listens to a dozen girls explain that they used to think being Jewish wasn’t sexy, but all it took was sleeping with an Israeli soldier to become a proud, empowered Jewish woman. Mark wonders if subjecting Facebook users’ every move and preference to public scrutiny had anything to do with eradicating a generation’s self-esteem.

Day 7: Mark frowns at checkpoints and borders – why is the IDF getting in his way of trying to make the world a more open place? Another lame government that just doesn’t get him.

Day 8: Mark isn’t saying Facebook would’ve prevented the Holocaust, but it definitely wouldn’t have hurt.

Day 9: Mark realizes Israel is Alpha Epsilon Pi all over again – just another Jewish fraternity.

Day 10: Mark shrugs at the whole geopolitical crisis and dreams of a virtual world with unlimited bandwidth for all. All this squabbling over a misshapen scrap of desert – it’s so Human 1.0.

Ilya Khodosh is a writer, performer and Tablet contributor. You can read more from Ilya in the new Nextbook Press’ anthology What We Brought Back: Jewish Life After Birthright.

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There’s really not much Jewish content to Mark Zuckerberg beyond his last name. The brother let us down. If he gives charity to Newark public schools it’s because that’s what celebrities do, not because of any sense of tzedaka.

mark z and his asian girl are beautiful together great couple im sure the asian girl wont nag him lol

I’ve said that least 2183487 times. The problem this like that is they are just too compilcated for the average bird, if you know what I mean

I’ve looked at numerous sites and not come across such a web site as yours that tells everyone everything they require to know.

Jerry Coleman~ Theres a high pop-up behind second. Richardson has got it and hes under it.

Between the weight that’s in the car, I don’t know if we’ll be moving..

Some times its a pain in the ass to read what website owners wrote but this site is really user friendly!

Η εταιρεία ‘’ ALEXANDRIDIS ‘’ δραστηριοποιείται από το 1960 στο χώρο του επίπλου σπιτιού. Χειροποίητα έπιπλα σπιτιού υψηλής ποιότητας και αισθητικής κατασκευασμένα από έμπειρους τεχνίτες σε συνδυασμό με επιλεγμένα υλικά άριστης ποιότητας προσδίδουν ένα τέλειο αποτέλεσμα.

Τα τελευταία οκτώ χρονιά η εταιρία ‘’ ALΕXANDRIDIS ‘’ επεκτάθηκε και στα έπιπλα γραφείου με αποτέλεσμα οι διαχρονικές της δημιουργίες να καλύψουν τμήματα τόσο της Βουλής των Ελλήνων , όσο και του Υπουργείου Εθνικής Αμύνης καθώς και δημαρχείων , γραφείων περιφερειων αλλά και πολλών ελεύθερων επαγγελματιών.

Η έμπνευση , η συνέπεια , η έμφαση στον διακριτικό σχεδιασμό και ο σεβασμός στις επιθυμίες του πελάτη αποτελούν τη βάση για χειροποίητες δημιουργίες και ειδικές κατασκευές που δίνουν λύσεις , και εξοπλίζουν τόσο με έπιπλα σπιτιού τους ιδιωτικούς χώρους όσο και με έπιπλα γραφείου τους επαγγελματικούς χώρους.



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Poking Israel

What if Mark Zuckerberg went on Birthright?

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