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Jews Who Booze

Match a drink to a novelist

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Bring out the vodka!(Wikipedia)

HTMLGIANT comes up with various cocktails to match particular novelists—Franzen’s Blurry Gin n’ Tonic involves gin, tonic, a lime twist, and the removal of your glasses; Sartre’s Absent Absinthe entails a half-empty absinthe glass, a sugar cube, and leaving the table, never to return. Here are some more concoctions:

• The Shteyngart Shandy: Old Rasputin Russian Imperial Stout and lemon seltzah (thanks to Bambi Shlomovich on that one).

• HTMLGIANT provides the recipe for Roth’s Gin n’ Jews (gin, orange juice, and grapefruit juice), but executive editor Jesse Oxfeld notes that his cocktail would contain liver, crushed.

• Here are Dan Klein’s “Instructions” for the Guri-tonic War: Gin, tonic and penny served in a balloon. Understand you hold a drink.

• And Dan’s Dreyfus Affair: Equal parts Champagne, Bordeux, Chartreuse, Jewish parents. Shake drink while accusing it of treachery. Let sit locked in cabinet for a decade. Unlock and serve with an olive.

• The Icy Bashevis Singer has cold slivovitz and pickled beets.

• The Eggnog Ferber is imbibed on Hanukkah, not Christmas.

• The Jonathan Saffron Foer is a Sephardic spirit, a sangria featuring Spanish wine and enticing spices.

You know what the comments are for!

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That should be “Icy Bashevis Slinger.”

Ivan Stoler says:

The Isaac Babel, 2 parts Rye Vodka, 1 part Potato vodka, + 3 parts Tuica. Always served chilled in a Rumanian Tavern down some dark stairway.

Dan Klein says:

I like it Ivan, but obviously it’s the Isaac Babbler

The Gertrude Stein: Pour a drink, then deny that it’s a drink.

The Ron Jeremy: Banana liqueur garnished with a cucumber.

The Winona Ryder: Chartreuse, Cynar and all the cherries you can steal from behind the bar.

The Fran Lebowitz: Fill a champagne glass with bitters. In 1981. Then never have another.

Dan Klein says:

The Ayn Rand: Yelling at the bartender cutting you off, then being obnoxious the rest of the night.

The Kinky Friedman: Jack Daniels with a splash of pickle juice. Garnish with cigar ash for “texture”.

Rachel says:

I really want to come up with something called “The Judy Blume” but I just can’t put my finger on it. Maybe I shouldn’t.

Rachel says:

Yiddish schmaltzy kitschy humor?… Haven’t we really overdone this already???

This is soooo stupid and lame; not to mention NOT FUNNY.


J Carpenter says:

can’t think of one for Saul Bellow; guess it’ll have to be a double scotch on the rocks—

I’ve said that least 2514111 times. The problem this like that is they are just too compilcated for the average bird, if you know what I mean

Here’s hoping there’s a lot more top-notch earthly coming!

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Jews Who Booze

Match a drink to a novelist

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