Larry King’s New Business
You’re not going to believe this
Departing CNN host Larry King has a new gig lined up: He recently invested in the Florida-based Original Brooklyn Water Bagel Company, which sells technology that enables someone anywhere to replicate Brooklyn tap water for the purpose of making authentic Brooklyn bagels.
Yes, this company exists. Its apologia pro vita sua reads:
As anyone who has ever been in the New York area knows, Brooklyn bagels have a unique taste and quality. Over many decades, there have been countless attempts, even by experienced New York bagel bakers, to recreate a true “New York bagel” in other cities around the country.
However, no matter how valiant the effort, no one has successfully re-created a true New York bagel until now. The one ingredient with the greatest effect has been missing, which is authentic New York water. IT’S ALL ABOUT THE WATER! The purity, quality and temperature of New York City’s world renowned water completes the perfect recipe for bagels, and replicating the New York water to make the perfect New York bagel has become the holy grail of bagel bakers outside of New York.
The Original Brooklyn Water Bagel Company’s patented water treatment technology system provides the following unique and key competitive advantages:
• Enables the replication of Brooklyn water– the key ingredient necessary to create the nation’s finest bagel anywhere in the world.
• Designed to provide maintenance-free operation for the franchisee via satellite monitoring of each store’s water system to ensure consistent quality.
• Able to assist local residents, offering up to five gallons of water free, when a boil-water alert is declared.
With this technology, The Original Brooklyn Water Bagel Company can firmly state that “it’s all about the water.”
I have no words. There are no words.
Daily rate: $2
Monthly rate: $18
Yearly rate: $180
WAIT, WHY DO I HAVE TO PAY TO COMMENT?
Tablet is committed to bringing you the best, smartest, most enlightening and entertaining reporting and writing on Jewish life, all free of charge. We take pride in our community of readers, and are thrilled that you choose to engage with us in a way that is both thoughtful and thought-provoking. But the Internet, for all of its wonders, poses challenges to civilized and constructive discussion, allowing vocal—and, often, anonymous—minorities to drag it down with invective (and worse). Starting today, then, we are asking people who'd like to post comments on the site to pay a nominal fee—less a paywall than a gesture of your own commitment to the cause of great conversation. All proceeds go to helping us bring you the ambitious journalism that brought you here in the first place.
I NEED TO BE HEARD! BUT I DONT WANT TO PAY.
Readers can still interact with us free of charge via Facebook, Twitter, and our other social media channels, or write to us at email@example.com. Each week, we’ll select the best letters and publish them in a new letters to the editor feature on the Scroll.
We hope this new largely symbolic measure will help us create a more pleasant and cultivated environment for all of our readers, and, as always, we thank you deeply for your support.