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Elena Kagan’s Jewish Jokes

We know she has some; tell us what they are!

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Maybe she was telling Sen. Mark Warner one of her great jokes!(Tim Sloan/AFP/Getty Images)

As part of the circus that is the Supreme Court confirmation process, all of nominee Elena Kagan’s emails from her time in the White House have been made public and organized online. Read ‘em all, if that’s your thing.

Two of those emails contain the subject line, “Re: Two G-rated Jewish jokes.” But the content of the emails has been lost, making this the most compelling White House lacuna since the 18-and-a-half minutes.

So, readers, we put it to you! What do you think the two G-rated Jewish jokes were? Remember to keep it clean: They need to be okay for listeners under the age of 13.

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- What’s purple, hangs on the wall, and whistles?
– I don’t know. What *is* purple, hangs on the wall, and whistles?
– A herring.
– A herring?! But a herring isn’t purple!
– This herring was painted purple.
– But a herring doesn’t hang on the wall!!
– This herring was nailed to the wall.
– But … but IT DOESN’T WHISTLE!!!
– … Nu, so it doesn’t whistle.

Allie says:

Q: Why can’t Jews be kept in prison?
A: Because Jews eat lox.

Why does everyone seem to assume that these emails have to contain Jewish jokes? Considering that the subject was not “Two G-rated Jewish jokes” but instead “Re: Two G-rated Jewish jokes”, the content of her message may well have been along the lines of “Hey, those jokes you emailed me are not appropriate.”

Ilana says:

Women at lunch in the Catskills:

Woman #1: Oy, this food is just awful

Woman #2: And the portions are so small…

Leah says:

A rabbi walks into a bar with a frog on his shoulder.
The bartender says, “Hey, where’d you get that?”
And the frog says, “Brooklyn, there’s hundreds of them!”

Maybe one of them was a classic Jewish/lawyer joke:

A Hindu Priest, a Rabbi and a Lawyer were all traveling together and came upon an Inn with only two available rooms. The Innkeeper said that one of them must volunteer to sleep in the barn.

The Hindu volunteered but two minutes later there was a knock at the door. The Hindu Priest said “I can not sleep in the barn because there is a cow there.”

The Rabbi then volunteered to sleep in the barn. Two minutes later there was another knock at the door. The Rabbi returned saying “I can not sleep in the barn because there is a pig in there.”

The lawyer then volunteered to sleep in the barn. Two minutes later there was a knock at the door. It was the cow and the pig.

smurfshoe says:

Question?: What do you get when you squeeze a synagogue? Answer:Jews

hi!,I really like your writing so much! percentage we be in contact more approximately your post on AOL? I require a specialist in this area to resolve my problem. Maybe that is you! Having a look forward to see you.

What do you get when you squeeze a synagogue?

JEWS!

2000

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Elena Kagan’s Jewish Jokes

We know she has some; tell us what they are!

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