Your email is not valid
Recipient's email is not valid
Submit Close

Your email has been sent.

Click here to send another

thescroll_header

Elena Kagan’s Jewish Jokes

We know she has some; tell us what they are!

Print Email
Maybe she was telling Sen. Mark Warner one of her great jokes!(Tim Sloan/AFP/Getty Images)

As part of the circus that is the Supreme Court confirmation process, all of nominee Elena Kagan’s emails from her time in the White House have been made public and organized online. Read ‘em all, if that’s your thing.

Two of those emails contain the subject line, “Re: Two G-rated Jewish jokes.” But the content of the emails has been lost, making this the most compelling White House lacuna since the 18-and-a-half minutes.

So, readers, we put it to you! What do you think the two G-rated Jewish jokes were? Remember to keep it clean: They need to be okay for listeners under the age of 13.

Print Email

COMMENTING CHARGES
Daily rate: $2
Monthly rate: $18
Yearly rate: $180

WAIT, WHY DO I HAVE TO PAY TO COMMENT?
Tablet is committed to bringing you the best, smartest, most enlightening and entertaining reporting and writing on Jewish life, all free of charge. We take pride in our community of readers, and are thrilled that you choose to engage with us in a way that is both thoughtful and thought-provoking. But the Internet, for all of its wonders, poses challenges to civilized and constructive discussion, allowing vocal—and, often, anonymous—minorities to drag it down with invective (and worse). Starting today, then, we are asking people who'd like to post comments on the site to pay a nominal fee—less a paywall than a gesture of your own commitment to the cause of great conversation. All proceeds go to helping us bring you the ambitious journalism that brought you here in the first place.

I NEED TO BE HEARD! BUT I DONT WANT TO PAY.
Readers can still interact with us free of charge via Facebook, Twitter, and our other social media channels, or write to us at letters@tabletmag.com. Each week, we’ll select the best letters and publish them in a new letters to the editor feature on the Scroll.

We hope this new largely symbolic measure will help us create a more pleasant and cultivated environment for all of our readers, and, as always, we thank you deeply for your support.

- What’s purple, hangs on the wall, and whistles?
– I don’t know. What *is* purple, hangs on the wall, and whistles?
– A herring.
– A herring?! But a herring isn’t purple!
– This herring was painted purple.
– But a herring doesn’t hang on the wall!!
– This herring was nailed to the wall.
– But … but IT DOESN’T WHISTLE!!!
– … Nu, so it doesn’t whistle.

Allie says:

Q: Why can’t Jews be kept in prison?
A: Because Jews eat lox.

Why does everyone seem to assume that these emails have to contain Jewish jokes? Considering that the subject was not “Two G-rated Jewish jokes” but instead “Re: Two G-rated Jewish jokes”, the content of her message may well have been along the lines of “Hey, those jokes you emailed me are not appropriate.”

Ilana says:

Women at lunch in the Catskills:

Woman #1: Oy, this food is just awful

Woman #2: And the portions are so small…

Leah says:

A rabbi walks into a bar with a frog on his shoulder.
The bartender says, “Hey, where’d you get that?”
And the frog says, “Brooklyn, there’s hundreds of them!”

Maybe one of them was a classic Jewish/lawyer joke:

A Hindu Priest, a Rabbi and a Lawyer were all traveling together and came upon an Inn with only two available rooms. The Innkeeper said that one of them must volunteer to sleep in the barn.

The Hindu volunteered but two minutes later there was a knock at the door. The Hindu Priest said “I can not sleep in the barn because there is a cow there.”

The Rabbi then volunteered to sleep in the barn. Two minutes later there was another knock at the door. The Rabbi returned saying “I can not sleep in the barn because there is a pig in there.”

The lawyer then volunteered to sleep in the barn. Two minutes later there was a knock at the door. It was the cow and the pig.

smurfshoe says:

Question?: What do you get when you squeeze a synagogue? Answer:Jews

hi!,I really like your writing so much! percentage we be in contact more approximately your post on AOL? I require a specialist in this area to resolve my problem. Maybe that is you! Having a look forward to see you.

What do you get when you squeeze a synagogue?

JEWS!

2000

Your comment may be no longer than 2,000 characters, approximately 400 words. HTML tags are not permitted, nor are more than two URLs per comment. We reserve the right to delete inappropriate comments.

Thank You!

Thank you for subscribing to the Tablet Magazine Daily Digest.
Please tell us about you.

Elena Kagan’s Jewish Jokes

We know she has some; tell us what they are!

More on Tablet:

This Year, Orange Seeds on the Seder Plate

By Ariel Chesler — For inclusive storytelling, the audience is as important as the story