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Iranian Scientist Claims to Have Built Time Machine

It can see up to eight years into the future

by
Adam Chandler
April 10, 2013
(Parstimes)
(Parstimes)

An Iranian scientist named Ali Razeghi announced that he has built a time machine that can see into the future. How far into the future? Anywhere from five to eight years with 98% accuracy.

While at first read, it sounds like this machine would only apply to individuals, it turns out, the machine can see into the future of entire governments as well.

Razeghi says Iran’s government can predict the possibility of a military confrontation with a foreign country, and forecast the fluctuation in the value of foreign currencies and oil prices by using his new invention.



“Naturally a government that can see five years into the future would be able to prepare itself for challenges that might destabilise it,” he said. “As such we expect to market this invention among states as well as individuals once we reach a mass production stage.”

Wow. So if you’re an Iranian and you’ve been wondering why the Iranian rial has depreciated so much, why the Iranian oil trade has been crippled by sanctions, or why Iran seems willing to taunt the United States or Israel into a war with its nuclear program, you shouldn’t worry–the government of Iran can see the future and knows exactly what’s going to happen.

Apparently, not everyone is enthused by the project. (And not because they think it is total bullshit.)

Razeghi said his latest project has been criticised by friends and relatives for “trying to play God” with ordinary lives and history. “This project is not against our religious values at all. The Americans are trying to make this invention by spending millions of dollars on it where I have already achieved it by a fraction of the cost,” he said. “The reason that we are not launching our prototype at this stage is that the Chinese will steal the idea and produce it in millions overnight.”

It’s a tough world out there Iran. I’m glad there’s at least one country looking out for everyone.

Adam Chandler was previously a staff writer at Tablet. His work has appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, the Atlantic, Slate, Esquire, New York, and elsewhere. He tweets @allmychandler.