The Grave Outdoors
To the neurotic urban parent, Sukkot might as well be called Booths of Death
Most of us, at least here in New York City, lead lives divorced from nature. We are hermetically sealed in our climate-controlled homes and minivans, safe from the terrors of the outside world. But Sukkot is an opportunity to get in touch with the wilds of nature. And for parents weaned on the “hidden dangers” stories screaming from the pages of parenting magazines, a sukkah is nothing but a thatch-topped deathtrap. Behold, the seven top risks lurking in your backyard! (Click around the illustration to find the risks!)
1. Rabid squirrels hiding in s’chach
2. Infant could lick pesticide-covered etrog and develop rash, behavioral abnormalities
3. Renegade lulav could put out eye
4. Adorable bead and paper chains, decorative strung fruit = toddler strangulation hazard
5. Shamed, desperate Ponzi schemer hiding from the Feds
6. Inadequately hung fruit falls on child’s head, causing concussion
7. Cushions of indoor-outdoor picnic furniture offer succor to bedbugs brought in on hapless guest’s pants, whence they are certain to wend their way into child’s bed, feed upon child’s blood
Illustration by Will Horton
Once home to Jewish immigrants, a South African city today hosts a very different sort of Jewish practice
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